Will you be yourself today or will you play a role?

Are you always showing up as your authentic self? Do you find yourself sometimes adapting to ‘fit’ a role, situation, or an expectation you believe others have? I used to pride myself on being able to fit into any situation. I could quickly and easily adjust to any new boss, team, or social group. Great huh? I thought so too, how useful it is to adapt so easily. My desire to fit in affected even the smallest of things. I remember meeting up with a group of ladies I had been training with, who came from a vastly different and (I assumed) more privileged backgrounds than my own. We had agreed to bring some snacks to the meeting. As we sat down the ladies started bringing out their offerings… lovely little cakes from the local bakers… some posh biscuits from Waitrose…some homemade treats… and in my bag I had brought along some Wagon Wheels. I immediately judged my offering to be out of place, to not fit with what had so far been offered up. I felt embarrassed that I had considered the Wagon Wheels as appropriate to this setting and audience. So, I kept them in my bag! I would rather offer nothing, than openly display such an error of judgement. Today I laugh to myself every time I remember the silliness of this event and my embarrassment. Looking back, I know how unlikely it was that those ladies would have judged my offering, and that they likely would have enjoyed them. It was all about my own perception of what it meant to fit in with the group.

There was a major issue with my ‘adapting’ - over time I had forgotten who I really was. Through all the fitting in and showing up according to what I thought was needed; I stopped knowing my real identify. It was only when I started my coach training that my self-awareness developed enough to realise the flaw with my adaptive approach. With this new awareness, I could take back control and find myself again. I was able to identify what I needed in my life, what I wanted to change to increase my satisfaction and overall happiness. It also allowed me to know what was no longer negotiable. I became aware of the assumptions I was making about others and what they expected. I could also finally own my underprivileged background without feeling the need to hide it, and even be proud of how it helped shape me and create the drive to succeed that I have within me. Finally, I was comfortable back in my own skin, being me again, and it felt so good! I am so relieved to be genuinely back in the room again and proud to be myself. I hope through my coaching of others I am helping more people rediscover themselves, know what they need, and help them to lead an authentic and happier life. And if you ever meet me in person, you’ll know who I am, as I will be the proud owner of a packet of Wagon Wheels!